October 6, 2015

The Worst Day of My life:

I haven't had many people close to me die in my almost 30 years, and few major life events that would alter my thinking so significantly as Friday. That is why Friday was the worst day of my life thus far. I am aware it could have been much worse, and I will likely have worse days to come, but Friday will likely always be in the top 10.

It started off like any day. I packed up the car and went to play date. We ate lunch in the car and headed out to Dallas for the weekend. The trip was rough. I kept having to stop for potty breaks and feedings. I was taking ,y time knowing in the back of my head that I really needed to beat rush hour traffic. Finally all the kids were asleep and I found myself praying, praising God for His goodness. I asked him for a smooth trip with the caveat, "if you have something else in mind for our trip, Lord, use it for your glory."

A while later, we got into Dallas and traffic was thick on HWY 75. It would get up to 50 and then stop on a dime. I had seen people swerve to miss others more than once as things came to a halt. Then it started moving. In an instant the car in front of me hits his brakes, lets off the brakes and hits them again coming to a near immediate stop. I hit the brakes so hard and the nightmare I have had so many nights happened, I knew I couldn't stop. In a flash everything was white as the airbags deployed. A second jolt came almost as fast as the first as the woman behind me couldn't stop either. Screaming. Screaming of my children in the back seat. I push open the door and climb in the back. I get out Hannah first as the boys are screaming at me. William says his shoulder hurts. Hannah won't calm down. Robert has tears streaming down his face. 30 seconds seems like an eternity. The woman behind me hops out, sees the state I'm in and offers to hold Hannah while I get the boys out. I get William out of his seat to check him out and he says he's fine, but wants to know why the TV isn't working. Robert is similarly perturbed that the movie has stopped. They are fine, and now Hannah is cooing at the lady who is holding her. The firemen arrive. The boys are happy that they are getting so much attention and they get stickers for being brave. The man in front of me comes to see if I'm ok. He's wearing scrubs and tells me not to worry. He knows it couldn't have been avoided and that everything but people are replaceable. The woman behind me is equally comforting. I realize that I am shaking and repeating myself that the car just wouldn't stop. I'm sure I was in shock. A fireman is able to get my car over to the median along with the other two vehicles. The police arrive and Hannah and I are able to catch a ride over to where my car and the boys now are. I give my statement. My parents arrive in two cars. I only vaguely remember calling them. They get the kids and all of the belongings out of my car and into theirs. I'm limping a bit, but too adrenaline filled to notice. The cops even try to comfort me. I must have been a mess to have so many people feel so sorry for me. In fact I know I was a mess. I get a ticket for failure to control speed (which is generally what you get whenever you rear end someone), which is when the officer tells me that there was an accident in front of me as well as on the other side of the highway at almost the same time. He says it happens all the time along here, and not to worry as everyone is ok. The tow truck arrives and Hannah and I ride with my dad back to the house while I talk to the insurance company. We meet up with my mom and the boys at my parents' house.

After a bit we go have dinner and I go by Toys R' Us to get the boys new car seats. You can't use them once they've been in an accident. I go to the check out and my card is declined. You read that right. We had charged a bunch on my credit card for moving expenses (to get the points), but had already paid it off. I called and although they had received and processed the payment, the payment "doesn't post officially until midnight", so I don't have enough credit to purchase the seats...I cry (as I imagine you would have too) and they transfer me to the credit department where I thankfully get a grandmother with grand kids my kids ages. She hears my situation and immediately resolves the problem. It's been close to an hour since the whole mess started. It's past the kids' bed time as we head back to my parents. I get in the door, sit down, tell the boys it is time for bath (knowing it will take a couple of minutes for me to actually corral them into the bathroom), and the power goes out. Not kidding. After an hour of waiting for the power to come back, the boys are put to bed with no bath. The power stays out for another hour. When it finally comes on, I check out my lower left leg. It's black, blue, yellow, and very swollen. And. It. Hurts. Ice packs help some. I finally get to bed, but it doesn't matter. I can't sleep. I am up replaying it all in my head over and over. I nearly wiped out almost my whole family. Sleep does not come.

There it is. I do want to make one statement here. Even though it was the worst day, it does not negate God's goodness. His protection and provision through the people involved was nothing short of miraculous. There are a thousand little things leading up to and after the accident that could have gone so much differently with much more disastrous results. Even if we had all died, He is still good. I am not sure how this will be used for His glory, but I pray I will see it in my lifetime. This whole thing has been a humbling experience, and I thank God that He is in my life to see me through it.

Please pray for me. I am still limping, I'm sore, and the whole of me aches with an indefinable pain. Pray I will be able to recognize the Holy conviction, self-condemnation, and satan's attacks and deal with each accordingly as I sort through my emotional baggage. Pray for the driver of each of the other cars... that they would come to know Him if they do not already and that He would bless them for their kindness. Pray for the cops and first respondents. I know they have hard jobs. And finally pray for my family, both immediate and extended. I know I gave them a good scare. My children see I'm not myself, and Francis is doing His best to comfort and pray for me. I think I'm ok and then I'm suddenly not. I know I'll come out of this, but I don't want to force it. I am praying for divine healing of my spirit.

Thank you for reading as I sort this all out. If you see me this week, give me a hug, pray over me, but don't ask me how I'm doing. Nothing personal, but I'll most likely break into tears if today is any example. I'm doing ok, and living by God's grace.