June 9, 2015

The End of Me

That's what I've reached. If you want to hear the general update on the kids, skip down below. Otherwise read on. I've reached my limit, both physically and emotionally. Things that we thought would run smoothly have not. We are still not sure how they are going to be resolved (or even if they willl be resolved). All the physical tasks I have (yes, I really have) to do are becoming too much for me. Stress has been running high and I've run out of juice. But that's ok. Because I can't be it all, but God can. My joint pain has come early this pregnancy. I over did it on Thursday and had contractions all night Thursday and during the day Friday. Since then every movement hurts more than the last. I caught myself taking deep breaths to even bend down and put the laundry away because I was anticipating the pain. I have no clue how I will make it through the next 7 weeks with all I have to do. But that's ok. There is a Healer and His name is Jesus. I don't have control, but He does. My hormones are all over the place, in part due to to the stress of being in pain and of not being able to sleep. Satan is picking at old wounds, causing me to cry over things long ago restored and left behind.  I feel like a raw ball of nerves. But it's ok, I know the Victor, and it is not the accuser. I am having to remind myself of these truths constantly as I feel very much under attack right now. I thought about keeping this post private, but I want to share so you can know how to pray for me. Please pray I will find strength in and relief from the pain that will likely intensify as the weeks progress until Hannah comes. Please pray that we will find peace in what ever God has for us in the coming days as we see His plans unfold (and that we would have the wisdom to act as required). Please pray that my hormones and emotions would not control my thoughts or my actions. It's good I've reached the end of my own strength. Perhaps it's the only way I can fully rely on Him and give Him the glory in my circumstance. I appreciate your prayers more than you know.

And now back to our regularly scheduled program. The boys are doing great! William is becoming very vocal on everything. And he has a memory like a steel trap. Don't try and fool him because he will call you on it every time. The wheels are always turning and his questions are getting increasingly difficult to answer. He wants to know why and how everything works. I've had to tell him I don't know and we look up the answer together. If he's like this before he turns 4, how am I going to help him at 12??

Robert is also doing well. He is also becoming more vocal. He will tell you his opinion one way or another, but he is coming up with more and more words to express himself. He loves playing with William and the boys are always inventing games are activities to play together. They mostly play well, but perfect they are not. I think their favorite game is "tag" which mostly involves just running in circles while music plays. Sweet boys.

Hannah had a baby shower at the melting pot on Saturday. I got to have chocolate Fondue with some of the sweetest ladies I know. A HUGE thank you to Arlene for organizing it. Hannah was blessed with gifts, and I was blessed with tons of love and support. Thank you all! Hannah is moving like crazy and pushing so hard, sometimes I think she will come out now. Love this little girl so much already and I cannot wait to meet her in person.

The boys started Swim lessons yesterday. They are doing great. We have it Monday -Thursday this week and next. I can't wait to see how my little fish progress!!!

That's it for now.