September 27th, 2011

            I did one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do last night: let William cry himself to sleep. The few previous nights William has had a little 2 hour party in your crib in the middle of the night where he acts like he's asleep, I put him in his crib, and he wakes up screaming for company 5 minutes later. I come back in, and as soon as I pick him up, he stops crying and looks at me. I would call him a little stinker, but I was the same way as a baby. Since putting yourself to sleep is an important life skill, I knew sooner or later I would have to let him go it alone. Last night was the time.

            We are doing a small group study about God being in control and how we should let him take charge. William is helping Him teach that point. As I fed William last night, I prayed over him that God would keep and protect him. I laid William down when he got still and would not eat. Sure enough, he woke up. I picked him up and rocked him and he quieted. I prayed God would give me the wisdom to know when to put William down again, as He was in control. God took me up on that.

            After a few minutes in my arms, God told me it was time to take the plunge. I was scared, and yet I had a peace. I laid William down and for about 2 minutes he was just fine. I got back into bed, but just as I was about to heave a sigh of relief, he started crying. It was soft at first; I could see William on the baby monitor moving around. Then it moved into a full fledged scream. I began to sob. Everything in me wanted to get up, but it was like something was sitting on me, keeping me down. I prayed and prayed. Francis woke up, and after I told him what was going on, he prayed too. For 30 minutes we prayed until William took a deep breath and then: silence. I kept my muscles tense for a while and waited. Finally I looked at the monitor, and a miracle had occurred: William was asleep. Praise God, He is holy! I proceeded to pass out for the next 3 ½ hours or so, but they were the best rest I’ve had in weeks. God is sovereign and giving him back control is so freeing. I am exhausted, but my spirit is at peace. Who knew something so simple as a baby crying could point to such a big issue? God did.